Ron’s Smoke and Mirrors
NO SLIP. NO.BOUNCE.
ALL POLARIZED. ALL FUN
We designed these shades to look good(r) and stay comfortably on your face whether you’re haulin’ ass down a mountain trail or drinking beers in a Mexican cantina. Quite simply the best looking running sunglasses you can buy for less than $50.
1 Lens: Polarized
2 Lens: UV400 Protection
3 Frame: PC frame with grip coating
4 Weight: 22 grams
5 Color: Black with Chrome Lens
6 Color Name: Ron’s Smoke and Mirrors
THE NITTY GRITTY
PRODUCT ORIGIN STORY
Ronald Emil was a common street magician, who dreamed of one day making it big and performing on the main stage at the Magic Castle. In order to achieve his goal, Ronald worked tirelessly to perfect his signature magic trick: The White Sphinx. In this trick, Ronald would do a series of twists and flourishes, slight of hand maneuvers with scarves and juggling and fire, all of which would culminate beautifully and effortlessly in the most impressive reveal of a live cat, white as snow, sitting upon his upturned palm.
With all his practicing, Ronald had nearly perfected the trick. The only problem was, he hadn’t mastered the “live” part.
He had tried doing this trick on the Venice Boardwalk, but in a span five days, his five cats, (Socks, Merlin, Houdini, Copperfield and Kevin) each tragically died — smothered to death in his velveteen pantsuit. So when he did the big reveal, with a tongue-out white corpse, patrons of his street corner show were shocked and awed, but not in the way Ronald had hoped.
However, the trick was not a complete failure and he gained a good deal of notoriety becoming infamously known as the Magic Kitty Killer. Eventually a certain mouse-themed park in Anaheim took note of his act and hired Ronald. The park didn’t mind the ghoulish outcome of the trick because the many feral cats that roamed the grounds would have been sent to the exterminator anyway. (True story, Disney murders feral cats. Oh did we say Disney? We meant, a certain unnamed theme park in Anaheim, which is definitely, probably not, Disney.)
But, back to poor Ronald.
One day, still dreaming of the Magic Castle and having killed 479 cats, Ronald realized what was wrong — his pantsuit was simply too tight!
So, he started running. He trained fiercely, changed his diet to the master cleanse lemonade, and began to shed pounds rather quickly. Some might ask, why didn’t Ronald just buy a bigger suit? And to you, we say, shut your mouth! If you don’t want to listen to the story, then start your own damn sunglasses company.
Eventually, after just three months, hundreds of miles logged, and a major intestinal infection and hospital stay from the maple syrup and cayenne garbage he was drinking (which was really the only thing that he actually lost weight from — we highly recommend illness or a stomach flu for weight loss), Ronald slipped on the pantsuit to find that it now fit perfectly!
With the extra room in his suit, and the perfect white feral cat from the park, whom he aptly named The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Ronald went out to Downtown Disney, next to that awful guy who plays the live violin over the cheesiest pre-recorded track you’ve ever heard, and abba cadabra…
As his last flourish flowed forth and he pulled The Sorcerer’s Apprentice from his velvet coattails, the crowd let out an audible gasp. For, there on Ronald’s hand, was not the white cat that he hoped had survived suffocation in his now-roomy pantsuit, but instead, Mickey Mouse himself!
Alas, the surprise of actual magic scared Ronald so much, he suffered a full-fledged nervous breakdown and was never able to recreate the trick or perform magic again. Ronald decided to pursue a career in IT instead, deciding it matched his temperament much more appropriately.
But in dedication to Ronald’s magical dreams (and indeed the dreams of all magicians everywhere), we hereby dub these sunglasses “Ron’s Smoke and Mirrors” in dedication to Ronald Emil. Ronald didn’t need smoke or mirrors to make his dream come true; just a little dose of magic and belief! Did we mention that Ronald had picked up a Ketamine habit that may or may not have contributed to his retelling of this experience? Probably not important.