INTRODUCING APOLLO-GIZE FOR NOTHING
This is the Brand Stewardship Team for Apollo. The copy is so far off-brand we can’t really provide feedback.
Our legal team would never sign off on things like "blocking Apollo's harmful sun rays," calling his lyre skils "mediocre," and saying he should give all goodr employees "free medicine for life."
We also object to this part: "Apollo's the god of the sun, archery, healing, music, AND truth? More like the god of overcompensating for having a small dong." Start fresh with new copy. We understand goodr is a playful brand with cheeky comments and copy, but it needs to be in line with Apollo's standards, or we will smite you.
The Brand Stewardship Team for Apollo
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS
Yes, wretched mortal, I am thy God of Art!!! Subscribe to my YouTube channel, and smash that like button, so thou dost not get smited. Plus, I am thy God of archery, music, and dance. Mine own godly twerking puts Megan Thee Stallion to shame! Also, I am thy God of truth and prophecy, healing and diseases, the Sun and light, and poetry. Liketh it not? Too many things-eth? WELL, TOO F***ING-ETH BAD!!!
Apollo-Gize for Nothing
NO SLIP. NO BOUNCE. ALL POLARIZED. ALL FUN.™️
1 NO SLIP
We use special grip coating to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when sweating.
2 NO BOUNCE
Our frame is snug and light-weight, with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running.
3 ALL POLARIZED
Glare-reducing, polarized lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays.
4 NO LEOPARDS
Plus, no one wearing goodr running sunglasses has ever been attacked by a leopard (as far as we know).